Brigitta Kalina

Today, the tenth day of the year, I found myself laying in my bed when I finally realized that I should put into words the feelings I have been buried with all this time. I got a work-from-home day today, and it truly is a blessing. I closed all the work-tabs I should finish, and now, at 4.22 pm, I found myself listening to Stacey Ryan’s Fall In Love Alone in my favorite part of my flat - the aesthetic desk that is located just as perfect as the window staring at the blue sky outside. Last night, I tried to write a thing or two, using the google docs’ essay template. I started to write what I called ‘You, Memories’ - sounds cringe though, but I think I might use some of its parts in this writing. Hopefully, just hopefully, I can finally finish this writing and finally post it on my old-dusty-blog.  It has been a year and a half since that day. If I could define the state of emotion I am in right now, I am actually okay. I am very grateful for all the things that is currently happen...

If only I knew that this is how it all goes If only I knew that all those words mean nothing If only all those things weren’t happening If only I could recognize the truth I would run, and run, and not fly like I used to I would carry all the feelings, to the ocean of my stupidness I would not let those things happen I wouldn’t let you do all the things If only I’m not that dumb If only I’m listening to my own voice If only  I wasn’t touched with those games If only prefering my brain than heart is my only choice I shouldn’t have to hide the truth I shouldn’t have to impress I shouldn’t have to lie I shouldn’t have to beg for nothing If only we never met If only you decided not to know me If only I didn’t answer If only I didn’t say yes I would never hope for surprises I would never ask for presents I would never expect something sweet I would not regret all the things, indeed  I’m not going to blame But if...