The Writer's Diary : Written in 2020; My Bad, I Know
Saturday, 13th of June 2020
Well, at least I am.
It is the thirteenth day of June, 2020. 2 months for me being a 20-year-old-girl (or woman? well that sounds too old) and the very least 4 months for me being in quarantine, like most of us do (well basically we are obliged to do that). These days I'd been doing a lot of stuffs, not because I'm trying to be more productive or so on, but more because (the positive thing is that) I (randomly) wanted to do a little throwback to the old me, at the very least until when I was in junior high school that basically brought me to this blog.
No excuses, I was just too lazy. Even I had problems for logging in to this blogger's account that obviously happened because I hadn't even opened it since 2018. My bad, I know, but there were a lot of factors, right? I could mentioned it for pages one by one and I'm pretty sure that's uninteresting, that's why I decide not to write that. Instead, I will probably do some life updates (for the sake of politeness ok?). Like what I've stated in the previous paragraph, being a 20-year-old-girl is basically a new deal for me. If you got a chance to read the only post I wrote in 2018, it's been 2 years since I became a freshman student of a (best?) university in Indonesia and my life had changed a lot since then. Living as a girl all alone out of town (well basically I have relatives there too but we're just rarely meeting each other due to some circumstances), I learned a lot as a person. Living in Solo since I was born with my parents 24/7 makes me call it home. But, surprisingly, right now I'm proud to call Jogja my second home (this one sounds cringe but let me do it) because it teaches me and shapes me to become who I am right now. If you ever hear me talking about the future, well you know how much I doubt myself to go to Jogja because I want to explore more than what this city (I thought) will offer me. But the truth is that, I never regret the choice I made when I chose the major and the university at my senior year of high school. It offers me a lot of things I can explore - the places, the food, the ambience, and most of all, the people - even I haven't got a chance to discover them all. I can say that I'm in love with this city and I miss Jogja a lot since I've been back to Solo because all of my classes were held online (and probably until the next semester).
Monday, 22nd of June 2020
The day I wrote the previous paragraphs I found myself exhausted so I decided to take a rest. Here I am, as what I am right now, loving to proscratinate things - even the simplest one. But ridicolously, it points out what I would like to share in this (silly but sweet?) diary, which is about growing up and changing.
Like the previous paragraphs told you so, what brought me back to this blog was (despite COVID-19 which is very obvious) my desire to do some throwbacks to the good old days. Started by stalking through the old pictures in my instagram, opening up my hardisk and found those old-high school pics, listening to my old covers with an old friend, randomly searching for my soundcloud account and found out I made podcast long before it becomes a trend, scrolling my old tweets that unconciously reminded me of this blog, and of course, re-reading my old writings in this old and dusty blog. Looking at those stuffs were like doing a rewind to the younger version of me - how I laughed a lot for what I did years ago; thinking of how stupid I was for making such bad writings that I thought back then was so cool and edgy with the wrong grammars, doing some covers with such voice when I was 13 with that lame guitar and piano skills, making an english-podcast based on a letter I wrote for my-elementary-school crush with my medok english, taking some weird pictures of me and my friends which I lately realize that I was the ugliest among them, writing how I met my ex by using that romance-novels-like words, and last but not least, proudly cite wikipedia for definitions I needed in posts I used to think can be categorized as academic writings which as I entered university I found out was a biggest sin for an academician.
Should I be ashamed of that?
As I re-read, re-watch, re-listen, and re-do all (silly) things I did in the past, it strangely draws a smile on my face - how I survived those years and seemingly proud of what I had achieved. A story of me "institutionalizing" memories I had years by years in any medias - blog, instagram, soundcloud, pictures, videos, and even writings - make me realize how I have changed as a person - from a junior high student until now a-5th-semester-international-relations-student-to-be. Every inch of memories I decide to embrace through those medias is such an art that helps me remember how I grow as a person right now. Probably through the people I interact, organizations that I joined, communities I entered, circumstances that forced me so, or even through bittersweet memories that hit me to the bottom. I won't declare that those matured me but at least those all teach me something. (ps. I know how cringe this is but once again lesson learned, let's try to school our minds and cherish our emotions xx)
That is why I promise myself not to erase any arts from memories that I have "institutionalized". Trust me when I say I never really erase my pics on instagram since I made my account on 2013 (except that "ex" post cause it was just too awkward hahahah). I also declare not to erase any writings that I posted in this blog and I won't even correct the grammar mistakes (well this is basically an excuse cause I was honestly just too lazy to check them all). You can also check my old covers and (call it) podcast on my soundcloud or youtube if you want to. I believe that those are hillariously ridicolous and lame but at least as I learn and grow I realize how I succeeded to pass the obstacles I faced. I can't wait until my first day doing my job in the future and randomly read this post - I hope I could put a smile on my face and realize how I have changed to be a better one.
And anyway,
Since this is also my first post as I entered university and although life has changed its methods to keep updated, I decided to reactivate my blog. I won't promise that I will start to be active in writing on my blog again like I used to, but I hope it will work at least as long as I have nothing to do due to COVID-19 (and anyway today I got a news that my online class will be prolonged until December, how nice). A little update, I have posted the abandoned "The Christmas Countdown 2017" series that I posted on my line post 3 years ago (shame it's too late) in this blog. I plan to write new writings again and hope to manage my blog to be more reader-friendly since I found that this template is so uncomfortable. I have also talked to a friend who used to be my fellow writer in our old seried-stories to collaborate in a writing project. So let's wait and see!
And for those who are (randomly) surfing and reading to this post (probably my colleagues at uni), I would like to say that my blog will guarantee you nothing but... well, me in words. So... welcome!
Have a great day and night, you readers. Hope this post finds you well :)
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The Writer's Diary is basically the writer's life updates and her random personal thoughts that expected to be written anytime she wants to. It's a safe space for the writer to express her feelings and emotions. The writer is open for any kind of discussions related to the points she writes or even things she never discuss.
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