Elixir : [Track 5] Yesterday Once More

Track 5 : Yesterday Once More - Carpenters

 Author : Brigitta Kalina | Editor : Maria Sekar

 

Logan Cleverly’s Point of View

“When I was young I’d listen to the radio, waitin’ for my favorite songs,

When they played I’d sing along, it made me smile,

Those were such happy times and not so long ago,

How I wondered where they’d gone,

But they’re back again just like a long lost friend, all the songs I loved so well.”

 

“By the way, Logan, are you free this Saturday?”

Really? Alex asked me to go out with her? That was new to me—especially after Alicia, and honestly I was.... shocked? happy? excited? Well, I could not really explain what I really felt that time. That was why ‘You’re asking me to come with you?’ was the only words I could think about to answer her invitation—before I finally said yes, of course.

I couldn’t help but smile after she left Scoops n’ Smiles. Could I call it a date for Saturday? 

‘No, Logan. It’s not a date, it’s just a usual-friend-thing when someone invites you to go with her to a friend’s party,’ I thought—while keeping on denying how touched I was to be asked by Alex to accompany her.

Days after our meeting at Scoops n’ Smiles, I couldn’t stop thinking of what I should do or behave at that party. I also kept on worrying about what costumes I should wear, what food I should bring, or even what I should do when I picked Alex up from her apartment. I could say that I was a bit nervous and it was weird because I’d never really felt it before—even on that day when I asked Alex to go for lunch and Santa Cruz. I tried to text Alex several times as we had exchanged our numbers on purpose to ask those questions, but I deleted it as I found it unimportant—and to be honest because I didn’t want to look exaggerated on responding to her invitation. Well, I just wanted to look normal.

I tried not to (look) worry for almost a week by not even asking Alex whether we were really going on Saturday or not. Until Friday night, day minus one, I didn’t even see Alex at the company and she didn’t even give me any updates on what I should prepare for Saturday. Honestly I was panicked but I didn’t know why I was too shy to text her. That was weird, until…

So, we’re going tomorrow right? 

She finally texted me. It was 11pm and I almost thought that the invitation was cancelled. Glad that she texted me first.

Sure. What time should I pick u up?

Selena said that the party will be started at 7, how about 6?

I almost replied with the words ‘Ok then’ before I thought about a better idea to go earlier and explore Los Gatos before coming to Selena’s.

How about 4 so we can look around Los Gatos before going to the party? Never really explored Los Gatos, tho.

As I replied to it, I felt like I asked her for another exploring day and I thought… Does it look like I asked her for a date? I was panicked that she didn’t answer it for minutes. How if it’s too much for her? How if she thinks that I asked her for a date? These scenarios kept on playing in my mind and honestly felt so stupid for replying with that words. 

But the most important thing among them all was… why should I bother thinking about that if we’re just… friends?

As minutes passed, finally my phone vibrated. I quickly grabbed them and checked whether it was from Alex, I was panicked. But thank God I shouldn’t have to be ashamed of what I’m doing since she replied:

Cool. Selena said there’s this Vasona Lake County Park 15 minutes from her house. Wanna go there?

I smiled, she agreed! I was really excited!

Sure. See u then.

And I slept at 2am. 

***

I woke up early that Saturday, contrary to what I usually do on weekends. After having lunch, I decided to prepare things I had to bring to Los Gatos; both for the party and the small trip Alex and I talked about the night before. I remembered it took me almost an hour to pick up the clothes I wanted to wear—should I wear a casual shirt or the formal one? Should I wear trousers or short pants because we were also going for a trip? Should I wear sneakers or just sandals? Well, it had been a while since I panicked before going out with someone. 

As I said, I picked Alex up at 4. Honestly I was ready since 3 but I didn't want to look too excited for that day. Remember, it's just a normal day, Logan. Don't do silly things, I reminded myself.

“Wow, you looked different today!” said Alex as she entered my car. I immediately took a look at the outfit I wore that day—my not-so-old floral shirt and light brown jogger pants. I also wore my grey sneakers, not only to look casual but also to make myself comfortable since Alex said that we were going to a park. 

“Uhmm… does it look horrible? Is it too much? Is it too formal?”

“No… that’s good,” she smiled and laughed a little, “you seemed… fresh?”

“Well… to be honest I don’t really know what to wear to a party though… it’s been a while since I went to a house party,” I said while starting to drive my car, “don’t forget to put your seatbelt on.”

She said as she put the seatbelt on, “Really?”

“Yes, I don’t have any relatives here and we don’t really have house parties back there in Australia.”

“So, enjoy the house party!” said her.

We started our journey that day as I turned on the radio. It was when Alex finally asked me, “What songs are you listening to?”

“Uhm… call me out-dated but I still think that old songs are the best ones,” I said as the radio played the old songs by Carpenters that I loved the most.

“Ahhh… I see, that’s why you listen to QRadio, huh?” 

“They know my favorites. Those songs are just too gold to be old,” I said as I nodded, “and what about you?”

“Well… I’m not too picky. I can say that I listen to every genre of music. As long as it sounds so good to me, I’ll listen to it,” she answered.

“So, you basically know every song that exists in the world?” then we both laughed. 

It was a nice chat along the journey. San Jose to Los Gatos was not far, it only took us 20 minutes to get there. Los Gatos was more like a suburb part of Silicon Valley. Just like Selena, new families loved to buy houses there due to its nice location. Not only that it took you less than half an hour to get to the downtown, but also the rural atmosphere it offered fit those who wanted to escape from the complexity of Silicon Valley itself. Workers from San Jose who preferred mountainous scenery liked to spend their weekends there, maybe for a night or two, to do hiking or camping since Los Gatos had a lot of conservation areas and natural sites to visit. As Alex said the night before, she recommended us to go to Vasona Lake County Park before going to Selena’s party.

It was 4.30 when we arrived at Vasona Lake County Park, 10 minutes late because we didn’t know the route to get there and decided to use GPS in return. Vasona Lake had the best scenery, there was a natural lake in the middle of the park as I could see people canoeing there. Most of the kids played around the sprawling lawn as their parents took their dogs on the trail. I could also see some groups had a BBQ party at certain spots. It was nice to spend the day with your family there. 

“Never knew this place before, this is so cool!” Alex was amazed by the scenery there.

“Yeah, even me, the explorer, never heard about this place before,” I laughed then. We just walked around the trail until we came close to the lake. The lake itself was very clear. There was a bridge above them that connected to the fishing area of the lake. Crossing that bridge, we found a canoe rental that looked really exciting. It was when I finally asked her to go canoeing.

“I want to but… I am afraid,” she laughed, looked so ashamed, “never tried to do this before. How if I drown in the middle of the lake?”

I convinced her, “It was not scary at all. I’ll do the row and you just need to sit there while enjoying the scenery.”

She was quiet for a moment while looking at the people who did canoe. I convinced her once more, “You said you want to explore, didn’t you?” She finally agreed.

It was a nice canoe-ride. I laughed every time Alex became so terrified. But after 5 minutes, she finally dared herself to also row the canoe.

“You did great, though!” I said.

She just laughed, “But deep inside I’m so terrified, Logan, don’t you know?” I laughed again but appreciate her trying to be brave. 

“I’m always afraid of water,” she said, “and conquering my fear of water was one of the wildest dreams I have had since I was little.” 

“Woaa, really?” I was surprised, “never know that you’re afraid of water. But I can see it today that you’ve been working on your fear so greatly.”

“Thanks,” she said, “it’s a really long journey, though.” Then she told me her story struggling with her phobia. Frankly, I didn’t know why, but she kind of reminded me of Courtney, the crush I had back then in Australia. She started a conversation so well that she told me about her wildest dream which was the question I asked to C before we went to Sydney Opera. The way she told me about her journey in conquering her fear somehow reminded me of C’s story about how she managed to live overseas by herself at a very young age. Their braveness, their not-so-wildest-dreams, and even themselves—those were just so similar.

I smiled a little, remembering C while looking at Alex.

“Oh, finally! We finished the round,” said Alex. I was daydreaming that I didn’t realize that we had reached the time limit for canoeing. 

“So, it was fun, huh?” I said while pulling Alex’s hand, helping her to get out from the canoe and thanked the man in charge. 

“First experience, so… it was very cool,” she said as we realized that it was still 6, an hour until the party started. We walked around the park and enjoyed the fresh air there. The reddish sky was so beautiful that it reminded me of Sydney’s red sky at dawn—clear and beautiful.

“Selena’s house was not far from here, the GPS said that it’s 10 minutes away. Guess we’re stuck here until 7?” she said after looking at the watch. I opened my Safari to see if there were any places nearby so we could spend our time there while waiting until 7.

“It is said here that there is this winery called Testarossa, only 5 minutes away from Selena’s. Wanna go there while waiting?” I asked Alex.

She seemed excited, “This is quite impulsive, but let’s go!”

As we left Vasona Lake County Park and arrived at Testarossa Winery, we were amazed by the view of the garden there. It was not so crowded, and we were honoured to get a chance tasting the wine it produced. We walked through the winery while listening to the guide, and it truly was a new experience for me. Our impulsive trip turned out to be so unforgettable!

“This is beautiful,” said Alex as we sat at the open wine bar. From there, we could enjoy our wine while watching the skies that turned to red.

“Yup, thanks for agreeing to my impulsive trip anyway,” I said while tasting the wine. Honestly it was good, “Never actually have a friend here who likes my impulsive ideas, though.”

“This is very fun though as I finally get a chance to explore new places around Silicon Valley,” she responded, “besides, thank you too for agreeing to my invitation while I can see that you’re not a party person, perhaps?”

I laughed, “Well… the first time we met at the company party, I was drunk so I couldn’t really enjoy the party. But, it’s partly true. Maybe I’m not a party person because I just don’t know how to interact with new people.” 

“I can see it,” she laughed too a little

“Why are you laughing?” I smiled, “honestly I’m not really ready for tonight, though. I spent all day preparing myself for this party.”

She laughed, “Really? You’re funny, Logan.”

Funny? She said funny?

“Like what I said, I barely know Selena. Then how about other guests there? I have to make a really good impression.”

“Well… most of them are probably our colleagues. Well, I don’t know honestly, maybe just the people from my building. But believe me, they’re fun. Don’t be afraid.”

I took a deep breath, “I have this anxiety—well, not really an anxiety. It’s more like sometimes I’m just not comfortable, you know, starting a conversation and stuff, even though I really want to. I want to make friends but I’m just too panicked at first, so—”

“So the first time I talked to you at that open bar, you’re not comfortable?” she laughed a little.

I quickly replied, “Well… it’s not like that.”

“Hahaha… then why are you worried right now? That should be the same, right?”

“Uhmm.. it was a little bit different, I guess?”

“Then what’s the difference?”

“Ahh… it’s… uhmm….” I couldn’t answer even though I had these words in mind, Because you’re different? I just smiled as a sign that I couldn’t answer that question.

“See? You’re just being so panicked about what’s going ahead. Well, if you really want to get to know people, sometimes you just have to throw yourself in it,” Alex tried to give me advice, “well… although I don’t really know what you’re feeling exactly, I know that you’re a nice person, Logan. I believe that people will like you sooner or later. So, don’t worry.”

I smiled then finishing the wine, “Thank you, Alex. It means a lot. I’ll try, but don’t leave me all alone later, okay?” She just smiled and nodded.

At 6.45, we left Testarossa Winery, we didn’t want to be late at Selena’s party. We arrived 10 minutes earlier, it was when I asked her just before we left the car.

“Promise not to leave me, okay?” I said. “Oh God, I don’t even know whether Selena recognizes me or not.” I panicked a little.

She looked me in the eyes, “Logan, everything’s going to be fine. You’re doing great. People there will like you.”

Those words. The way she told me that everything was going to be alright, it was just like Alicia when she tried to calm me down after losing C. I remember Alicia told me, “Everything’s going to be okay sooner or later, Logan. You deserve to be happy.” It was when I fell in love with her for the very first time. And, somehow, it was—

“So, let’s go! Selena’s already there looking at us. Come on,” said Alex.

I took a deep breath as we both left the car and we finally met Selena and her husband in front of their new house.

“Hi Alex, so happy to see you!” said Selena and then they hugged each other. I also smiled at both Selena and her husband.

“And this is…?”

Alex smiled, “Selena this is Logan and Logan this is Selena.” I smiled and we handshaked each other, “he’s from the other building.”

“Ohhh… I see! You look nice, Logan. Let’s go, come in! We had already prepared dinner for all the guests.”

I was so happy knowing that Selena was a nice person, and so all the guests that I met there. I became calmer right before we were going to the dining room. It was when I took time to tell Alex, “Thank you, Alicia.”

Alex looked at me for a second when I finally realized that I wrong-mentioned her, “Uhh.. thank you, Alex.”

She just smiled and we both sat side by side. 

God, how could Alex seem so similar with the past lovers that I had?

***

“Every sha-la-la-la, every wo-o-wo-o, still shines,

Every shing-a-ling-a-ling, that they're starting to sing's so fine,

All my best memories come back clearly to me,

Some can even make me cry, just like before,

It's yesterday once more.”

[Yesterday Once More - Carpenters]

***

Elixir is a chaptered story project written by Brigitta Kalina in collaboration with Maria Sekar. This project is the continuation of Brigitta Kalina's previous seried-stories titled "Christmas Countdown" and Maria Sekar's "Thirty Days of Christmas". Readers are suggested to read those chaptered stories in order to understand more about Logan and Alex's contexts in the past.