The Writer's Diary : March 2017

Tuesday, March 21st 2017

So, how are you guys doing lol. I know it's been like 1 year or more since I wrote my last 'The Writer's Diary', and I know that I'm a kind of proscratinator on writing things, and that's what makes me haven't continued 2016 Christmas Countdown lol so sorry *wanna put a crying laugh emo but I don't have it on my laptop* Oh by the way there's some new preparation and some additions on blogger so we have like new themes and also symbols! Yeay, I found that emo!!😂😂😂 Well, it's been a really long time until I know nothing about some new features here loll😅

Pardon my unexistence for I don't even know how long it is, and it all also happened because of the things I said on the older post. I love writing, but I don't know why I have no enough time or sometimes when I have enough time to write, I just have no idea what to write. Classic things, I know. But honestly, it's the truth.

You know guys, I'm know an 11th grader, and it's kinda hard to live a life for 11th graders like me. Not to mention that being on the other grade is easier, but in 11th grade, man, there are a lot of obstacles that I have to overcome, not just because of the materials, but also because of the burden I have as an 11th grader. Well, what are those problems? Are those that hard to overcome it?

Becoming an 11th grader makes me think about my future a lot. I mean, yes, this is what we suppose to do, but yes, in the other side it makes me sad. Being an 11th grader is a kind of ‘burden’ to me, cause yes, unconsciously, we have to take a big step for what is going to happen in the future. And honestly, it scares me.

In every spare time I had in class, I usually take a little time just to have a chit chat with my friends. Yes, that’s actually the best part of being a student – when you have nothing to do at school and you’re just gonna talk with your fellas. What we usually talk about is just a random things like boys, some event stuffs, those kind of people around us, and then when we just have nothing to talk, we’re stuck in this question : “What subject are you going to master then in the university?”😱

This isn’t a simple question to answer, for us, especially an 11th grader like me, this is the thing that we have to think a real hard because – you know – it will impact what your future.

Have you ever imagined to be an astronout? Or even try to motivate yourself so you can study abroad? Or maybe, you just wanna be a superhero or the changemaker then in the future? 💃💁My answer is simply yes, and I do want to achieve it a lot. This is a normal thing to do as a human being, back when we were 5 or 6 years old, we were usually fantazising what we wanted to be, just because we watched some kind of movies, some role models, and so on.

But years and years come ahead, what are usually happening for some labile teenagers like us? If you are asked by someone just a simple question like, “What major do you want to study then?” or “Where are you gonna go after high school?” usually we’re just smile a little and said, “I’m not sure, I’m still confused.”

In my perception, this is just because we become more realistic years and years. The more we are closer to what is gonna happen, the more we become more realistic. I’m sure that this isn’t just for this kind of problem, but in every single problem in the world.

Me, myself, I've experienced this kind of thing also. I've changed my dreams for so many times. I remember how I wanted to be a doctor when I was in elementary school, but I found that biology was so frustrating so I decided to be a musician or an entertainer. Not forgetting how I really wanted to study abroad like US, UK and get a scholarship so my parents don’t have to pay for me.

Years and years came, as the time flew, I experience so many things, I’ve watched some people who inspired me a lot, and I found myself wanted to be like them. I wanted to be a change maker, and make my country proud of me. I still wanted to get a scholarship so I can learn something outside Indonesia and try to make a change to this country.

Entering Senior High School makes me understand that there are a lot of things that can influence someone to choose their major in the university, or even what they want to be in the future. Interest is not enough, to begin with, it also needs support from people around you (especially your parents), your enviroment, all the fees that are needed, distance, friends, boyfriend / girlfriend (if you have), and also your competence. Those things are only some of the things that are needed, there are still a lot of factors that determine someone’s major on university or even what their future is gonna be. Now, I still stuck in the middle of three major points that I will probably choose, International Relation, Communication Science, or Psychology. I used to also want to choose Interior Design or Architecture, but since I can’t draw well and I hate physics (for Architecture), and also university that has Interior Design as their major is so rare, and it is in Bandung (ITB) which is far enough from my hometown, so I decide to limit my choice.

Dear all readers, like what I said before, years and years come, we’re getting old, we’re being a mature person as the years come, and we become more realistic. For now, I just have to think which major should I master then. I’ve been talking to my parents which major should I choose, but yes, my mom and dad come with different opinion. I’ve been talking to my surrounding also, they give me another solution. Now, I think I’m just gonna focus on which major I will choose. All those elder dreams like studying abroad, being a changemaker, etc, I think those are the other homework I should think about later, cause since I become more realistic, I can’t even think about how I will live in other person’s country without the one I know. Yes, maybe it can be, but it will take time. I’m not ready also to leave all my memories here, since there are so much risks if we live out there, even maybe we can forget the one we already have. It scares me.😟😟

I’ve been dilemma for like one year, and I’m sure I’m gonna be more dilemma one year after this cause it will be the time for me to decide which one. Yes, I dilemma because I want to achieve all my dreams when I was kid, but in the other hand, I have to face some reality and be more realistic cause it is a big decision to take. I believe that every decision is so risky, it has positive and negative sides, and also, it need responsibility, a very big responsibility for this one.

If you want to take a thing that maybe not realistic, it’s okay, but it needs a lot of braveness and it will also produce some consequences. Yes, this is the think that makes me doubt to take some risks.

Well, this is for now. Yes, I came with a very heavy topic, isn’t it? But yes, this is also what makes me doesn’t write for all this time I tried so hard to focus, study, get some achievements that can help me to enter university later. Right now, I guess, I’m gonna focus to study for school and also get more-more achievements. I will surrender it all to God. I know what I’ve been struggling for is gonna be paid off in the future. Let’s see in the post I’m gonna write one year again! 😊😊🙌🙌