Christmas Countdown : D-3

I was playing swing in The Cleverly's backyard. The swing was made by tire. The night came as Logan came to his backyard too.

"I was searching on you everywhere and you're here. How great!" he said to me. I laughed, "Noone told you to do that, Dude."

"What are you doing here, C?" 

"Nothing, just looking around and wanna enjoy the summer air here," I said and then played the swing. He sat in the swing next to mine and played it too.

We went nowhere this morning but home. I helped Mrs. Cleverly to make pastries and Christmas cookies, but Logan he just played game on his PC. He  asked me to play it with him that time, but I don't like to play games. And the name of the game sounds weird too : The Widow in Pennsylvania (I've said it to you if that game's name was weird). 

It was three days before Christmas, and I always remember when Logan said that maybe the Christmas is about surprise. But there's still no surprise until today. Doesn't mean that I'm hoping too much, but I still believe that miracles will happen.

"Three days before Christmas," Logan suddenly said to me, "and..."

"And what?" asked me to him.

He just shrugged, "I don't know. Maybe do you have new plan or something for Christmas?"

"Well, I have nothing new for Christmas."

He just, it was like he wanted to say something. He looked at me with the guilty face.

"What?" asked me.

"If you have no plan for Christmas and for this day I wanna tell you a story. I just want to talk to someone about my feeling of something and do you mind if I..?"

"Sure.. I mean yes I'm gonna hear you now."

Logan took a deep breath, and he said, "I  wanna say sorry to you because I've said that I wanted you to be here for Christmas and something like that and I know that it just gonna make you think about your coming home.."

I smiled, "That's okay, Logan. Don't blame yourself because of that. That's okay for me to think about that."

"Really, you're okay?"

I mean I'm really not okay, Logan.

"Sure, I'm fine."

"But you said nothing to me since yesterday and seemed like didn't wanna talk to me and you just sat there at your room and you didn't even eat breakfast, did you?"

Yea, it was my fault. Maybe I was thinking about it too much. I just thought and thought after Logan's saying that he wanted me to be in his house for Christmas. I thought :

1) There's no surprise thing that Logan have said to me few days ago.

2) This family truly loves me and they want me to be there, and I wanna come home and I think that I was too selfish.

3) I didn't know what should I do after that.

Well I know that you might think that hey that was not a big problem so just go home and meet your family or stay there and enjoy your Christmas happily et cetera but I just can't. I'm the one who overthinking on everything. And that's why I think that this problem such a big big one though it was not.

Nah, because I was too overthinking it that's why I didn't talk to people, I couldn't sleep, and I just not on my mood to do anything.

"No, Logan. I didn't mind to angry to you or say nothing to you but yap I'm just too overthinking on everything and that's why I did that. And I realized that maybe I need to be alone for few hours to think about the right decision."

Logan laughed as the way he always did,  "And your decision is...?"

"Well maybe I'm just gonna stay here for Christmas because first I have no enough money to go home and second I wanna make you and your parents happy."

Logan relieved, but I just don't know why.

"Thank you, C. If you wanna know one of my Christmas wish is that I wanna enjoy Christmas with you, it sounds great you know." 

I ashamed, I mean maybe he likes me, but who knew? He's my bestie, and we're only friends. We like each other as friends - really close friends.

"And what's your Christmas wish anyway?" 

"Umm.. I don't know, maybe I wanna enjoy Christmas with the people I love. And I wanna be people's Christmas wish, that's awkward I know."

"Haha nope that's cool. You're my Christmas wish so at least your second wish has came true. Your wishes, such inspiring. I wish I could be a person who helpful for people around me too," he said. 

"For me Christmas wish isn't about the things inside the box. Yap, I always got a gift every year for Christmas till I was 12 and that's embarassing. But then I realized that things will go old and nothing lasts forever. Since that I always wish that I could be a better and a helpful person."

"Cool, I learn lots of things from you."

Maybe Logan was right. Christmas wish or only Christmas isn't about the gift, but about how our life could be so meaningful for people around us. That's true cause I still think about the surprise sometimes : when The Cleverlys all of sudden gave me the tickets to come back home or something fun like that. 

He ever said that maybe Christmas is about the Christmas surprise, and I thought a lot, I'm hoping that in the days before Christmas they would gave me the tickets, and they still don't give it to me because it was not December, 25. I think about that so much, and I expect too much.

"Have you ever heard about the thing : expect too much means nothing?" I asked him.

He shook his head. I said, "That was my own quote. I realized that maybe I shouldn't think about the surprise or expecting things too much, cause yap that's not a right meaning of Christmas." 

He smiled, "But don't stop dreamimg. And yeah you know what was my last night's dream..." and he told me everything about his dream.

The thing about Christmas is ourself, it's all about how our life could be with the new spirit, how our life could be in the future. Maybe there will be a surprise, but it doesn't have to be a gift, does it?

That was a beautiful night. The stars spread the sky and we enjoyed night at The Cleverly's backyard and playing something. But the most important thing was that I was with Logan...

...my best bestie ever.

No more lives torn appart

And war would never start

And time will heal our heart

Every man will have a friend

And live would always win

And love would never end

This is my grown up Christmas list

-Grown Up Christmas List