Christmas Countdown : The Truth

Dear Courtney,

How are you? I just wish you all the best cause it seems like we haven't seen each other for a long of time. I just wanna say that I'm okay right now. 

So how's your day there in UK anyway? I wish I were there too, but studying here in USA makes me happy too. I heard that you studied sound engineering there and you've graduated, is that true? That's really cool, glad that your dream comes true. I study architecture here, just drawing few things and design buildings, you know? Of course you know.

I remember everytime you said that you wanted to be an architect too but you just couldn't draw things. Then I taught you how to draw, but it just didn't help. And then you said that you gave up, and that you decided to choose another profession for your future. It's been 2 years!! 

Well, talking about dating and that kinda things, if you ask me am I dating someone or not the answer is simply no. I just haven't seen a kind and a good American girl, seems like they just don't fit me at all. Some of them are rude, yeah sucks sometimes to be around these people. But there's a girl named Alicia who is nice with me, the only bestfriend of mine here. She's my partner cause we work at Starbucks together (yes I take a part-time job, in STARBUCKS).

That sounds great, right? To be somewhere where you wanna go. To be somewhere where you wanna live. To be with someone you love or like. I just hope that you really enjoy the time there, though I know that you really do.

I found our old photo in my old wallet this morning. It was our christmas' photo. It reminds me of you, when you said that you liked me, and then I told you the truth, that I was your far cousin, and that we just didn't believe about it. And that I told you that I love and like you too, but yeah we just can't do it. Old memories, right? 

I sometimes drink a coffee in the middle of my job's period, when my boss doesn't know that I have the time break and when there are only few buyers. I like to sit there, just drink mochacino - the flavour I like. I automatically smile, it just reminds me of you - the one who chose hot chocolate instead of coffee. I don't know whether you still don't like coffee or not. There was NCIS on the TV that day, well it reminds of you too. The episode was about rules that day, and do you remember the rule number 51? Sometimes you're wrong.

Maybe I was wrong, to hide the truth. To hide the biggest truth, to lie to you, to make you disappointed that day. What the hell did I say to you? I think I was wrong, yes I'm so dumb. And yes, I'm sorry to hide this truth to you. 

There is a boy named Jake Arrington. Yes that guy who was our high school's friend, the person I asked on the question "Why Jake Arrington thought that folk music is weird?". He asked me what was your name on the 1st day of school. And he said that he liked you. Yes I knew that he was a really good and nice guy, that he was the prettiest man in our music class and he could play 3 instruments, that he liked football so much like the way you did. And he asked me too did I like you, and I said maybe. I asked him not to bother you, but he was angry. He said that he really liked you, and he was angry because I liked you too. 

Suddenly he challenged me to play football. And the one who lost was not allowed to be your boyfriend or even like you. I accepted it though I knew that was a stupid idea. And yes, I lost. You know that I'm not a good football player, right? But I don't know why I did that, I accepted that, and I lost. The stupidest idea of my life.

After that he said to me that I wasn't allowed to be with you and be your boyfriend. Also, if I tell you about this deal, he would do the thing I will regret in my life. I was worried, I was scared. And I promised him about that. I was scared because he could do a lot of things as revenge, and maybe killing. I was scared. And yeah that's why I asked you that weird question, because I have to help him to get you. Yeah, that sucks. And it did hurt. 

That's why I wanted you to be with me on christmas, because that was the only time I could spend with you. 

That's why I brought you on Sydney Opera House that day because I wanted to make you happy, and Jake was in his holiday. I couldn't brought you on the previous day because if he knew that I brought you there he would punish me.

That's why I told you that I was your far cousin, because I have to do it. The truth is we're not cousins. If I told you that I like you, and you like me, he would be so angry to me, and he would do those bad things, and I didn't want it to happen.

That's why your parents and my parents were confused when you asked them questions about our cousin-hood.

That's why all these things happen, and I'm very sorry for this.

Gibbs's rule number 39 : No such thing as a coincidence.

Maybe we met for a reason, right? Yeah, I just realized it. I wasted lots of time that I didn't tell you the truth, the stupidest thing I ever did.

Yesterday I got an e-mail from Jake about you and his' engagement. I'm so happy for you guys. Yes, I really did. Well you guys will be a great young little family.   I hope the best for you both, and I will come to your wedding for sure. He said that it will be held in Manchester, the city you really adore right?

I don't wanna bother you guys with this e-mail. I just wanna tell you the truth, it makes me relieved. This is the thing I want to do since years ago. No, really I'm so happy for you both. Don't think about this e-mail so much. Don't cancel your wedding because of this e-mail. Really, I just want to tell you the truth, just so you know about it.

If you read this and you feel so pity to me, just please you don't feel it for me. I'm happy now, this is the new time for me to start something new and looking forward. I'm happy if you're happy, C. Just don't be so sad, okay?

I think that's all I could say to you. Thanks for reading this, and yes I thank you for everything, C. May God bless you there in UK, hope to see you soon.

Regards,

The one and only Logan Cleverly, your aussie's best pal ever

***

I almost clicked the 'send' until someone finally booked the hot chocolate - C's favorite drink.

"It's 5 dollars," I said to her. He gave me 10 dollars. I made her the hot chocolate, poured it to the dixie, and wrote If it your choice, don't regret in the dixie.

I gave it to her. She said, "Thank you, somehow it makes my day." She smiled, and she said that the rest of the money is my tip.

The snow outside is falling down, I keep watching to the window. It reminds me of C, the one who likes snow when summer comes in Australia, though she expect she could experience it in Christmas. The one who loved me as the way I do, and I do still. The person I spent my Christmas day with. The one who liked Suburgatory and NCIS, that we loved to talk about Gibbs and Tessa. The one I love, but I lied to her. The worst mistake of my life, that I regret the thing I said to her. 

I chose to save that e-mail as the draft instead of send it and ruin her and Jake's engagement, and even wedding. I drank my mochacino, and logged out the e-mail account in the Starbuck's computer.

Alicia said all of sudden, "How's your e-mail?"

I said to her and laughed, "Bad internet connection, gonna retry soon, maybe."

She just smiled, I think she knew what I meant.

Merry Christmas, Courtney. I hope someday you choose mochacino instead of hot chocolate. 

Feel like I'm walking on tight rope

My heart is in my throat 

I'm counting on high hopes to get me over you

And I've got my eyes closed

As long as the wind blows

I'm counting on high hopes to get me over you

Cause I'm a man on a wire

***

Writer's Note:

Helllloooooo

Sorry because I didn't write for a long time. But yeah, finally, this is the truth. The end of Christmas Countdown (it doesn't even sound as Christmas anymore, right?)

But thanks for read this, hope you like it. God bless you🙏