Elixir: [Track 2] The Most Beautiful Thing
“Will it be a pavement or a sidewalk
When I finally lay my eyes on you?
Someone I've already loved
will you find your way out of the blue?”
***
I had just moved to California three months ago, yet I had become a regular at The Busy Bean. Maybe it was because I needed more caffeine than ever since I started my first real job (still can’t get over the fact that I’m a real responsible adult now!!!), or maybe because providing coffee was one of my tasks as a probationary employee.
Or maybe simply because coffee shops were my safe haven since they reminded me of someone I had lost.
The Busy Bean was located right across XDesign’s main building. I had always thought the owner was very smart to open a coffee shop right in front of a big office. An architectural company, no less. Who needs caffeine more than architects? Our projects often made them sleep-deprived zombies, and they could only be revived by a cup of steaming coffee. The shop itself was small, and they only had four baristas—whose names and shifts I knew very well—but they were never short of customers. Like me, for example.
It’s Saturday morning, so the barista on duty must be Katie, I guessed. And turned out I was right. A pretty girl with braided red hair was standing behind the counter.
“Hi Katie!” I greeted her as I came in. “One skinny vanilla latte and one mochacino, please?”
“Alex!” Katie smiled. “Just two today?”
“Yes, it’s just for Selena,” I replied, grinning wide. “I’m finally free of the coffee duty! We’re accepting interns soon which means it will be their job!”
Katie chuckled softly. “Congratulations. But why are you working on a weekend?”
“We’re presenting our first big project next Monday, and we want to make sure it’s XDesign-worthy. It’s a big opportunity for us, after all.”
“Oh, I see ....” Katie grabbed two cups and started working quietly. She was the type to work in silence, and I didn’t want to disturb her with my chit-chat—so I looked around instead.
I had been to the coffee shop probably a million times now, but I had never been bored looking at the interior. It was pretty. I loved how they blended the industrial and plants theme together. The proportion of metal and wood was just perfect, and they placed just enough potted plants to give fresh vibes but not overriding the industrial theme. There were also artificial white flowers near the door that smelled like vanilla. But still, as pretty as this place was, nothing will beat my favorite coffee shop back home in Portland: The Steaming Mug.
The Steaming Mug was owned by Jake's family. Jake was my best friend back then, and we hung out at the coffee shop so often it became my second home. But after Jake had died, even seeing The Steaming Mug had become so painful I stopped coming. The first time I went there after Jake’s death was to say goodbye to his dad and brothers before I moved out for college—it was also my last visit until now.
Losing Jake was …. devastating? Heartbreaking? I couldn’t even find the right words for it. What do you call the feeling ‘very very sad until your chest literally aches and you couldn’t stop crying’? Losing Jake was like losing my most precious treasure. He had been my best friend, my closest confidant … and my almost-lover.
He had known I hated being lonely, so he had always been there for me—especially after my breakup with my first boyfriend, Ben. Then we had started catching feelings for each other—but I had refused him when he had confessed. I had been scared that he would just end up leaving me broken like what Ben had done—and he did. Jake did indeed leave, though in a different way.
It’s funny, isn’t it? The girl who hated being lonely was always left by people dear to her. I had loved twice, and had lost twice, too. Both of these losses left me wounded—and the wound was still bleeding until today. It was the reason why I never dated anyone ever since Jake—I was really, really tired of loving someone just to be left again.
But was I lonely? Yes! Having nobody to run to with stories to tell after you came home from work sucks. Having nobody to send funny memes to sucks. Having nobody to hold you when the storm inside you rages sucks. I did have a lot of friends—like Selena and Katie—but they were not the same, you know? They had their own lives and it would feel like I was imposing.
People might think I was weird for feeling this way. It’s okay, though, I think I was weird too. Sometimes I didn’t even understand half of my feelings. But honestly? I wanted to stop feeling like this. I wanted to be able to remember Jake without feeling empty and alone afterwards. Was it because I really, really missed him? Or was I just lonely because I had never had another friend like him?
I had been searching for the answer for years. I had listened to psychology podcasts, I had read countless articles on how to deal with loss—but still, no answer. I still couldn’t let Jake go. I still wanted him to be here. I wanted a friend like him. I needed him.
Should I try dating apps? Should I search for a pen pal? Or should I seek professional help for thinking this way?
“Your coffee, Alex.” Katie gave me two warm coffee cups, pulling me out from my daydreaming. “Be careful, or you might repeat your first visit.”
I laughed. “When I spilled pitch black americano all over your white skirt? No, no, I had promised you it would never happen again.” I paid for the coffee then got ready to leave. “Send my regards to the others!”
“Will do,” Katie replied. “Good luck for your project, Alex!”
“Thanks,” I smiled, then turned my back and walked out of the coffee shop to my office across the street.
***
Selena's eyes widened when she saw me bringing her favorite mochacino. But then she gave me a sad smile. There was a hint of pain in her eyes. “Oh, Alex, you remember my favorite! Thank you so much,” she said. “But this morning I found that my period just started, and I’m having period cramps .... I’m so, so, sorry.”
I quickly replied, “No, no, don’t be! It’s not your fault it’s your period today. I’ll be a bad friend if I force you to drink this.”
Selena didn’t answer. Tears started forming at the corner of her eyes—I forgot how emotional Selena could be on her period, a polar opposite of her usual logical self.
“Aww, Selena.” I gave her a hug. “It’s okay, I’ll just give the mochacino to Avery at the front office. Does it still hurt? Do you need anything?”
She shook her head slowly. “No … I think.” Then she pulled herself out from our embrace. She had stopped crying, and now she smiled. “Thanks for always being so kind, Alex.”
“That’s what friends are supposed to do, right?” I grinned. “I’ll be back in a bit, gotta give this to Avery while it’s still warm.”
I went downstairs to the lobby, and I was just going to walk to Avery’s desk when I saw a man coming in. He had a poster tube hanging from his left shoulder—must be for his drawings. He wore a posh sweater vest, and he had his sleeves rolled up. He looked like he was ready for an important meeting—except for his disheveled chestnut hair and a super-nervous look on his face.
Wait … wasn’t that Logan? The half-drunk guy I had just met twelve hours ago? What were the odds?
I waved in his direction. “Logan! Hi!”
He looked up, looking surprised. “Who …. I’m sorry, but have we met before?”
“Actually, yes. We met just last night? At the party, at the open bar?”
He then suddenly recognized me. “Oh! You’re … Alex, right?”
“Correct!”
Logan gave me a polite smile. “Now, what are the odds? I thought you said you mostly work at the second building?”
“I have an upcoming presentation here, so a friend let me borrow his studio for this weekend to prepare,” I answered.
“Oh, I see. When is your presentation?”
“It’s next Monday.”
“So you have to delay your break, then?” Logan asked again.
“It’s okay, my presentation’s first thing in the morning.” I shrugged. “It’ll be done right before lunch and then I’ll be free for the rest of the week.”.
I saw Logan was still smiling, but there was a hint of nervousness in his eyes. This guy needs a pick-me-up, I thought.
I gestured to his poster tube. “How are your papers? Were you able to save the wet parts?”
Logan laughed. “Thank God, yes. I don’t want to have to remake a week’s worth of drawings in just five hours.”
I smiled. It’s nice to see people laugh—especially those who had just had bad moments, like Logan last night. “Good for you, then. So I guess you’re now ready to present it?”
Logan sighed. “I now know that my design’s okay, but I’m still not sure if I’ll be able to convince the clients to think the same.”
“Well I, on the other hand, am very sure that you’ll be able to present it well,” I said. “It’s your own project, right? It’s your baby. Nobody knows it better than you do. If there’s one person who could explain this design from the roof to the fancy partitions, it would be you.”
Logan smiled a little. “It is my baby, indeed.”
“Right? There’s no one better to present it than you.” I smiled back, then gave him the coffee cup. “Here. I bought too much coffee this morning. To help you think clearer, in case there are still traces of your hangover.”
Logan’s eyes widened, then they warmed. “A mochacino? Thanks. It’s my favorite.”
“It is?” I was surprised. What a lucky coincidence. “That’s great, then.”
His small smile was slowly widening as he started drinking the coffee. “Ah, this was just what I needed. Thanks, Alex.” He glanced at his watch. “I should be getting ready, though. The clients will be here in an hour.”
“Oh, right! Sorry. I should let you prepare,” I replied. “Good luck, Logan!”
Logan gave me a small wave as I crossed the lobby back to the stairs. (The studio was just on the third floor; I didn’t see any reason for me to use the elevator). When I was back, Selena had already started working on perfecting the room layout on her laptop. I was responsible for the fabric samples and color palettes, so I started cutting the fabrics.
Today’s work consisted of mostly small, easy tasks like printing and cutting pictures. Selena and I had revised our design board yesterday, and today we were just adding this and that to perfect the board. We finished in only three hours.
“Phew! Right at lunch break!” Selena happily packed her things. “Do you want to come over and have lunch together? My husband is making lasagna today.”
“Thank you, Selena, but I wouldn’t want to impose,” I declined. “You’re newlyweds, after all. I’d hate to crash your lunch date.”
Selena laughed a little. “Okay then, if that’s what you want. See you next Monday, Alex!”
I waved at her when she left the studio, then continued packing my things and left too.
I met Logan again at the lobby. He looked far less tense than this morning—there was a huge smile on his face, and he even greeted me first. “Alex! Hi again!”
I smiled. “I take it your presentation went well?”
“Very well.” Logan laughed. “They loved every inch of my design. Thank you for encouraging me earlier today, and yesterday.”
He looked like he was thinking for a while. Then he finally asked, “Is it okay if I treat you to lunch after this? I just have to return the favor after you being so kind to me.”
I was very surprised. “You don’t have to do that, Logan … I was just being a good friend, like any decent person would have done too.”
“Well, um, if you don’t like the sound of that, how about I treat you to celebrate my XP project?” Logan asked again.
“Now that I can get on with,” I replied. “Who else is coming? Is your friend from last night coming too?”
“No, Nick has some matters to attend to. Do you mind if it’s just us both?”
Just us both. Huh. It had been a long time since I last went out to eat with just one other person. Wait … what if this was a date? Or worse, what if Logan was secretly a serial killer and this was his trick to get me alone?
Alex, just chill! I scolded myself. You read too much fiction. Logan is your co-worker and most likely a decent man. The worst thing that can happen is probably just awkward silence between you two while you’re eating.
“It’s okay,” I finally answered. “So where are we going?”
“Do you like chinese food? I know a good place just two blocks from here.”
I nodded. Logan let out a breath I didn’t know he had held. “Great. I’ll just take my bag from the meeting room and we’re good to go.”
“Okay. Thanks, Logan.”
He really seemed like a good guy, I thought, as Logan disappeared into the meeting room. But do I dare hope he makes a good friend too?
“I don't know who you are, but I'll save you a seat
Hang my coat on a chair next to me
I tried to reassure the waiter, say you're down the street
He laughed at me
So here's to you
The most beautiful thing that I have never seen.”
[The Most Beautiful Thing - Bruno Major]
***
Elixir is a chaptered story project written by Brigitta Kalina in collaboration with Maria Sekar. This project is the continuation of Brigitta Kalina's previous seried-stories titled "Christmas Countdown" and Maria Sekar's "Thirty Days of Christmas". Readers are suggested to read those chaptered stories in order to understand more about Logan and Alex's contexts in the past.
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